My intolerance of Michael Bay I do not hold back quietly. I always liken him to a gorilla with a paint brush. Although his strokes usually end up a far cry away from a picasso, there are un-doubtably people in this earth of ours who will hail it as "Modern" "Entertaining" and "Exciting". To say that Bay isn't the most subtle of action directors is an understatement (Do they even exist you ask? John Woo anyone) So as I begrudgingly walked into the midnight showing of Transformers 3, I readied myself for an assault on the senses, most notably common sense.
First let me point out. As someone who was never interested in the abomination that is the pairing of Hasbro and Paramount, I refused to watch the second Transformers, as the first one had left me mostly underwhelmed. it get's me every time I see "In association with Hasbro" in the opening credits. It's like Pirates of the Carribean, being based off of a ride at Disney World..at least they have the ever talented johnny Depp on their side.
So, fearing total confusion in not being able to follow the intricate plot (giggle snicker) I felt obligated to watch the second movie…..Enough has been said about it that I will spare it another tongue-lashing….
In this third installment, we find Optimus Prime and his merry band of Autobots working in finding the remaining Decepticons. What they also find, however, is an ancient Cybertronian space craft hidden on the dark side of the moon…Of course it contains something dangerous, capable of re-shaping the universe or something like that..So the standard race to save the world ensues. We find Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf, in a more comedic turn, reminiscent of his Even Stevens days) with a new beau, Carly (the new-to-acting Rosie Huntington-Whitely) How to deal with the sudden exit of Megan Fox from the franchise after her tabloid heavy fights with Michael Bay? Let's just have a passing comment made by a robot saying that she dumped Sam, leaving all the emotional investment from the 2nd movie (What little there was) pointless.
Another side of the plot (i'll try not to spoil anything) is the emphasis on conspiracies. Anyone who knows me, knows I am a conspiracy nut, much like Turturro's character Agent Simmons. Mention the words Apollo, dark side of the moon and assassinations in the same sentence to me, and i'll react the same way Simmon's does in the movie, with an ecstatic shiver down my spine. Although they get some stuff wrong and seem to cockblock any future, serious arguments about the subject by including robots that transform into shit, they do a good and interesting job at tying it all together. They also play with the idea that mankind was created as a slave race, something that made me want to yell out to the audience "if only you knew how true this is!" but I digress.
I must say, I enjoyed this movie. Of course it's popcorn fodder if there ever was one, but it is definitely the better of the three and a not too shabby summer movie in and of itself. There is also a more human story being told here by screenwriter Ehren Kruger, who's portfolio is more horror heavy with writing credits behind films like The Ring, Scream 3 and the Skeleton Key. There is also a stronger emphasis on plot, that ever elusive thing that was relatively invisible in "Fallen". It's no The Godfather mind you, or even The Black Godfather for that matter, but it's better than nothing.
There are some genuine laughs in here not provided by stereotypical robots (although don't think you'll escape any borderline offensive portrayals)
Comic turns by the funny-until-a-certain-point ken Jeong, John Malkovich and the always awesome John Turturro bring to light the fact that it's better to let an actor's natural talent shine than putting them in front of an explosion and calling it a day.
In the end, it seems like Michael Bay took heed to the criticism after the release of 'Fallen' , or maybe had a meeting with Spielberg that I like to imagine went something like this
SS: Mikey, Mikey…Can I call you Mike? of course I can, I'm fucking Steven Spielberg. You have to tone it down a notch. I don't care how many snobs you can get to agree with you, explosions aren't considered to be a character of their own. And will you stop with the blatant racism, Oy! you're all fercockt! Hitting me in the kishka over here!
Like most summer blockbusters, it's nowhere near perfect. The acting, although better, could be, well, better. The 3D, despite Bay's insistence of it being out of this world, sucks robot balls, is not worth the price and further fuels my hatred for the whole gimmicky fad. And my biggest gripe? It's way too long. Clocking in at 157 minutes, they could have easily told the movie in 2 hours. The climax of the movie is extended so long in the second half, it would make Sting blush.
Despite all that, Bay set out to create an enjoyable movie and not so much to stroke his own ego and, well, he succeeded. Summer wouldn't be summer without some explosions, robots and an extensive marketing campaign.
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